Everything You Need to Know About Finding—and Maintaining—Happiness
If you’re going to listen to anyone about how to put your life into perspective and lean into happiness, it should definitely be Dr. Laurie Santos, creator of the most popular Yale University class of all time, The Science of Well-Being (which you can take online for free!).
Laurie Santos, PhD, professor of psychology at Yale and host of the podcast The Happiness Lab, sat down with Flow Space to break down what happiness really entails, and how to get out of an unhappiness rut if you’re stuck in one. Her viral class started on campus as a way to address students feeling overwhelmed and anxious, so she dug into some of the research about what science shows makes a person happier, calmer and more content over time—and was gracious enough to share it with us.
“I think people have a hard time finding happiness in part because we’re going about it the wrong way,” Santos says. “Many of us think, ‘well if I could just get that next promotion at work, or become Instagram famous, or make lots of money, or maybe even get into the perfect relationship that I’d be happier.'” Those are not necessarily the right ways to go about a quest for happiness, according to science, though. Here’s what you might be missing.
What are some ways you can go about unlocking more happiness in your life?
These are Santos’ top two ingredients to being happier:
- Social connection. “Talking with a friend, connecting with your neighbor, or even speaking with a stranger at a coffeeshop—all of these are shown to increase positive emotion over time,” Santos says. These are all essential ways to help you feel more a part of a community, and therefore happier.
- Doing nice things for others. “There’s lots of evidence that pro-social behaviors make us feel better,” according to Santos. Between donating some of your time to volunteer, or donating funds if you’re able to, these gestures can support others and also support positive feelings for you too.
Santos says that practicing some of these happiness techniques has helped her become more satisfied with her own life than before she started the research and that even a 10% increase in happiness can be a win for your mental health.
How do you cope with the times when you’re not experiencing happiness?
“We get happiness wrong, especially in the modern day and think if we’re experiencing sadness or loneliness, or frustration or overwhelm, that something’s wrong,” says Santos. But that’s not how happiness works, and is more of a “toxic positivity” lens of viewing happiness, with this “good vibes only” filter.
“For a flourishing life, you’re supposed to experience negative emotions,” says Santos. “They’re a really important alert signal that something might be amiss, and you need to make a change to feel better.”
Happiness should be your goal, in terms of trying to live a life that feels good and fulfilling, she adds. But it’s about knowing how to do that the right way. “If you pursue living a kind life, compassionate life, connected life, often you’ll get happiness as a by-product too,” according to Santos. Being happier is scientifically possible with that attitude.
